


From Nothing

by lyricalive



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: First Meetings, Gen, POV First Person, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:42:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24504076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricalive/pseuds/lyricalive
Summary: [Renko POV] According to the Kyoto school of philosophy, the absolute affirms itself through its own self-negation.
Relationships: Maribel Hearn & Usami Renko, Maribel Hearn/Usami Renko
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	From Nothing

Today, I finally recruited a second member for my club. Or, at least, I might have.

Now in my first year of university, I've been running this club since high school, though I've always been the only person in it. I guess it's misleading to even call it a club. It's designated as a circle for mediums, and there aren't too many mediums in practice these days. Do I even really qualify? Essentially, its purpose is to research occult phenomena.

Most people are afraid of what they can't see. I'm afraid of not seeing enough. Even with extensive notes left behind by my predecessor, unfortunately, I haven't made any discoveries. But I keep the club going, in theory, because just thinking about it has always kept me entertained.

I feel confident that today is the breakthrough... although I'm still waiting on her final decision. And she's waiting on mine.

The new recruit is a foreign transfer student. She really stands out, with her height reaching a bit taller than most in our year, and her face framed by striking blonde hair. The way she dresses is unusual too, somewhat old-fashioned.

But more than anything, she caught my eye with... her eyes.

They were a bright golden color, perfectly matching her hair. Like an old game character with a limited palette due to hardware constraints, was one frivolous thought that crossed my mind. And when they reflected the sun, they shone like two tiny moons. The first time I saw her, at the beginning of the month, the way they sparkled left a strong impression on me, appearing almost unreal.

She belongs to a different department than me, apparently studying liberal arts of some sort, while my major is in super unified physics. But we share some common general ed courses, and we would cross paths in the halls every so often. Honestly, she's so stunning; I couldn't help but turn my head whenever she passed. Without realizing it, it became something I looked forward to, even if we didn't talk.

A short while into the semester, I happened to be picking up lunch from the campus café. I noticed her sitting alone at a table out on the terrace across from me. Her face was angled down towards her cup of steaming tea, long lashes blanketing her eyes.

Once again, I found myself involuntarily staring at her, waiting for her to raise her head for a glimpse of those shining irises. However, a full thirty seconds passed, and she never did.

I then made the realization. Was she asleep? It was quite an odd time of day to take a nap.

Every other weekday, in one hour and forty-six minutes from the current time, we would routinely pass each other on the moving walkway between the laboratory and the lecture hall. This probably meant, like me, she had a class that ended around then. Which probably meant that said class was scheduled to start very soon.

I figured I might be doing her a favor by waking her up.

"Hey..." As I approached her table, I wracked my brain to remember her name from orientation. But it was a complicated foreign name, difficult to pronounce. Instead of calling out, then, all I could do was shake her shoulder.

"..." At once, her eyes shot open.

And for just a moment as our gazes met, instead of the familiar golden hue, I could swear they were... tinted a deep red.

It's not all that uncommon for the color of someone's eyes to look different based on the surrounding lighting. For the time being, I passively dismissed it as something like that. Though, considering the table was overhung by a large umbrella, there was no real source for a trick of light... In any case, with another glance, they were back to pure gold.

I took a seat briefly beside her, crossing my arms on the table. "Isn't there a class you need to get to?"

"Who are you?" Her voice was high and a bit wispy, almost like it might fade away. I took note of this as one more quality that gave her a sort of mysterious vibe.

I offered her my name and my outstretched hand as a greeting. "Renko Usami, of the physics department. Nice to meet you."

"..." She hesitated to take my hand, still too busy trying to gather her bearings.

I kept talking, not realizing if I was overwhelming her. "You know, your eyes are really amazing! I've been wanting to tell you that."

"...Thank you." Her polite smile felt the slightest bit forced. "I suppose I do need to go now."

"Shame about your tea getting cold."

"Mm."

Her Japanese was good, but she seemed to be short with her words, as if cautious to speak. Or maybe she was just uncomfortable at the moment. I guess I had come on too strong. Never accepting my handshake, she collected her things and left.

Before she was out of sight, she abruptly spun back around, like she had forgotten something. Her gaze appeared to be directed neither at the table nor at me, but at something vaguely in the distance.

"Hm?"

She shook her head. "It's nothing."

And she disappeared toward her class.

In the following days, I began noticing odd patterns about her. When she was around others - and she certainly seemed to be popular, no surprise - she wore her kind smile and seemed like a fairly normal girl. But when she was alone, I noticed that she often stared blankly into space.

She also performed tasks with a dominant left hand, and had a restless habit of touching her face or hair. But those things weren't as relevant.

Maybe I was assuming too much. But... somehow, I felt like I recognized that blank stare. A deep stare that's trying to seek something beyond itself.

Waving to her whenever I passed her by wasn't making much progress. I could no longer ignore the feeling that I really wanted to get to know this girl.

On a particularly humid evening, I seized my chance when I found her at the same café, drinking the same order of tea. I waved and received her polite smile in return.

In hindsight, maybe it was a risky move, to then march right up to her and ask if she had any interest in the paranormal.

"What...?"

Her smile morphed slowly into a serious and displeased expression. 

"The paranormal. For example, spirits and mysterious phenomena."

"Why would you ask something like that?"

The contrast of the stern look against her soft face was awfully jarring.

"I've been getting a feeling like we might have a lot in common. And there's a club I'd like to get officially approved..." I began rattling off some key points about what kinds of subjects the club was interested in, and what theoretical activities it carried out, wondering if any part of it might catch her fancy.

While I was speaking, the focus of her gaze drifted subtly to my left. She didn't appear to be listening for very long.

"Um. Is there someone behind me?"

Her eyes seemed to darken, and she turned her head, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"No, it's nothing."

I furrowed my brow, pondering. Hadn't I heard that phrase before?

Confirming with a glance over my shoulder, indeed, nothing was there.

Still, there was definitely something strange about those wandering eyes.

"I'm sorry. About your club, I don't think I'm a good fit."

"Wait. Before you say no, let me show you something."

Actually, I forgot to mention this, but I have strange eyes as well.

Determined, I drew my face close and locked her gaze in mine. She blinked a few times in confusion over my motives. After confirming that she was watching, I swiftly tossed my sights up toward the open sky.

So I'm sure she saw each tiny movement of my black pupils darting back and forth minutely, taking in a few hundred lightyears' worth of information in an instant. 

"Five fifty-two and thirty-eight seconds," I reported.

"Excuse me?"

I faced her directly again. "That's the current time."

"I don't understand."

"You see, my eyes can look at all the stars at once, then use their position to determine the time."

She brought her hand to her mouth in surprise. "My, how..."

It had been a while since I'd been able to talk about this ability with someone. A hint of pride swelled up in me, to think I'd impressed her.

Then she finished her sentence. "...creepy."

The pointed word slipped too easily off her delicate tongue. I wasn't particularly offended, but it's not something I wanted to hear from a girl like this.

"You're harsh."

"But it's strange. Most of the stars aren't even out yet. How can you see them?"

"Stars are always there. Just because the average eye can't see them, doesn't mean they stop existing."

"..." She fell silent, letting my words sink in. The posture of her upper body appeared to lose its tension.

I think she must have believed me.

"Well, I told you my secret. Will you tell me yours?"

I once again held out my hand to shake, hoping this meant I'd gotten her to trust me.

It wasn't that easy.

She refused to acknowledge my hand, taking another sip of her tea.

Once she had set down her cup, she seemed ready to answer. Her eyelids drooped, but her steady gaze burned into me as she spoke. A gaze of dark, colorless eyes.

"It's really... **nothing**."

The tone of her quiet voice, matched with those dark eyes, sent a chill down my spine. Just when our conversation had been starting to feel more human, I suddenly felt alienated again.

Maybe I had been mistaken to think we were on the same page.

Another day passed. When I waved to her on the walkway, instead of smiling back, she would pretend she didn't see me. Of course, she was no good at pretending she didn't see things.

That brings me to today. It didn't sit right with me for that to be the final word between us.

_"The real is no less one than it is many, no less different than it is identical..."_

I fiddled with my audio-recording pen in the front row of the philosophy class required by our university. Arcane quotes from western and eastern thinkers lined the projected screen at the head of the room.

_"...transcends the subjective and the objective and envelopes them..."_

She was seated several rows behind me. I wondered how closely she was paying attention to the lecture, or what kinds of things she was seeing instead.

_"...not possible as a nothingness that is thought but only as a nothingness that is lived."_

Observing the scenery through the skylight on the lofty ceiling, I counted: fifty-eight, fifty-nine... then clicked my pen precisely in time with the tone of the dismissal bell.

Soon enough, the crowd of students began to disperse out of the back doorway.

No sooner had I exited the door myself than I was surprised to hear a quiet, but distinct, echo of my name.

"Usami."

Quickly glancing in both directions for the source, I spotted the corner of a long lavender dress peeking out from the tight space between this and the neighboring building.

I was amazed that she remembered my name... I wasn't even on any name basis with her. I needed to figure out something to call her in return besides "hey, you." Huh, did having these thoughts mean I was suddenly counting on being able to befriend her after all?

Unsure what to expect, I tipped my hat down over my forehead and stepped into the narrow alley. The loud bustling of our colleagues faded to muffled background noise, and shadows desaturated the walls.

"Hey..." That would have to be good enough for now.

"Miss Usami," she repeated.

"Did you want to talk about something?"

"About the other day," she spoke slowly, "I appreciate what you told me. Being willing to say it, just like that."

"Ah, I knew it!" My voice came out much faster and louder than hers.

"Not so noisy."

"I knew" - I lowered my voice to a raspy breath - "that we must have something in common."

"No, not exactly."

"Please, be honest."

Her left hand tugged at a strand of wavy hair, which indicated a lie. At the same time, her shining golden eyes were like pure truth.

"I never lied to you."

There must be more. There must be something missing here.

"But surely, you can see..."

"Gaps."

I blinked. "Huh?"

"I can see gaps. Empty holes in the boundaries of the world."

"..."

"Nothing."

She had officially paid me back for overwhelming her in our first conversation. I had no idea know how to respond.

The combination of words that had just been delivered to me was esoteric, yet straightforward. There was no room for joking. Thus taking it for truth, my heart was sent racing from such an explanation.

As president of my club, with its historical research on my side, I could grasp the significance of 'boundaries': the invisible barriers that separated ours from other existences. And as a physicist, I could grasp the significance of 'nothing.' In the same manner that antimatter serves as a mirror to matter, surely the holes in reality, like the vacuums of space, hold an energy that can answer as many questions as it can raise.

Meanwhile, the mysterious blonde girl talked down to the floor, trying to convince it, or me, or herself, otherwise.

"It isn't all that interesting. So, I wanted to tell you to try to forget about it."

To say something so profoundly ominous, and then claim it wasn't interesting... My scientific curiosity couldn't be deterred. "Even if it's 'nothing,' how do you know there's not anything beyond it?"

"It doesn't matter. Crossing is forbidden."

"Says who?"

"Anyone with sense."

"Ah, come on now. Humanity's great discoveries never came from..."

Her straight face was unwavering as she cut me off. "Right, perhaps you're not someone with sense. As proof, these 'nothings' have been gathering a lot around you lately."

"They have, really!?"

She met my eagerness with a heavy sigh. Neither understatement nor overstatement could dissuade me. She could tell I had no intention of forgetting about this. I think it would be hard for her to forget either.

"You don't understand what you would be getting into."

"I've been waiting my whole life for something I don't understand." I shifted my messenger bag on my shoulder and extended my hand in a last-ditch effort. "Just one club meeting with me, to talk about this more. Deal?"

I held my breath, feeling a weight to this moment. An important chance I didn't want to let slip away.

After a lengthy pause, she finally resolved to close the gap between us.

"...Just one."

Even with the firm connection of our handshake, I caught her gaze drifting. Lost in thought as ever, a concerned look on her face. Blank eyes even wider than before. All the muscles in my body had relaxed, because I was sure that the most awkward part was over.

"What are you looking at now?" I asked with a grin. "Nothing?"

She remained frozen still, not answering my question.

Instead, she responded with another question. "Could you check the time again?"

I quickly obliged, peering through the vertical tunnel of closed-in walls up at the deeply darkening sky.

"Seven thirty-four and forty seconds. It's actually the exact minute of today's sunset."

Sunset: the 'boundary' of night and day. A particularly meaningful moment to commemorate with a new friend(?).

A tightening squeeze on my hand signaled me to turn my attention back down to the elegant girl, only to find her eyes glimmering with a color I hadn't seen in them before. Was it a reflection of those growing streaks of purple twilight?

"Around this time..."

Her voice escaped in a whisper. Her expression was completely unreadable, somewhere between a grimace and a wry smile.

"...it's not always nothing."


End file.
